You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
