I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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