Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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