The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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