Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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