cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize