nut hugger
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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