Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
vagina is talking i cant
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
