My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
