Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
