I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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