Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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