I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
