There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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