oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
