did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
