He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
