After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
