Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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