fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
