We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize