sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
