I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dicks are not precious.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
