when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
