Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
