Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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