Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
