I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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