We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
