I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
