Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
