I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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