I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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