I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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