I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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