i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
