1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
