I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
