I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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