she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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