Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want her autograph on my taint
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
