he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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