Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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