You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
