Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
