Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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