I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
