Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
