I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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