I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
