1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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