the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BRING THE BAGELS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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