Kiss
Puke
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
