I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
