I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
