I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
