I bet he comes in French.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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