we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
