i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
